Fear is a Powerful Thing!

 I read an Instagram post this week that asked what we’d like to be able to go back 20 years or so and tell ourselves. Her own answer was “Stop fearing fear!” I LOVE that! And I have written several songs about this including one where I muse about what my future self would say to me. But also, a song that says that fear is a powerful thing – but love is the greater thing… And another that says, “don’t give into a fraction of the fear you feel.” And yet another that says, “let my spirit keep on growing – and I won’t fear it no more.”

So, how do we stop fearing fear… It occurred to me that although they say “we have nothing to fear but fear itself,” to stop fearing fear, we have to acknowledge fear, face fear, and deal with it. And move on, right? So, it’s not about running from the things we fear, but standing up to them. It’s not about avoiding things that make you uncomfortable but letting them come at you until you are not cowed by them.

And what do we fear? I know I fear confrontations and misunderstandings. It makes me not want to engage with anyone who stands on the other side of the aisle… I fear not being articulate enough to share my opinion if it differs from someone else’s. Or talk to someone that I think has prejudged me unfairly. So, I tend to steer clear rather than share my thoughts. I have nothing to fear if I avoid them -- but look at the missed opportunities to share my gifts, my strengths, and my own perspective!

Many people have stage fright, which I haven’t really had since I was 5 years old, and found out that humor made the audience smile…  “They love me, they really, really love me!” But there are aspects of performance anxiety that I do experience – video, and live-streaming. Oh my! What if I forget the words? What if I mess up this tricky part? If it’s captured on video, it might be watched more than once, and no amount of humor is going to help those imperfections slide by unnoticed. Whereas in live performances, there is a connection between the performer and the audience that makes it okay to not be perfect.

My song about fear being a powerful thing also has a verse that says “you can’t hide from fear, you can only turn around and face it. And you can’t fight your fear until you learn how to embrace it.” So, what does that mean for me? One more song quote: “I reach my hand out, while fear of rejection makes me tremble and fall down on my knees.” I guess I need to face my own fear of live streaming, and just go for it…  What’s the worst that can happen?

I forget these lessons fairly frequently. So, thank you Cayla for the Instagram post that got me musing about this again.  Growth is good…

Here’s Cayla’s Instagram post if you’d like to see it (and follow her! She’s awesome!): https://www.instagram.com/p/CicxEkPsuuA/

And if you’d like to take a listen to the songs I mentioned above here they are on Spotify!

Fine Tonight:

https://open.spotify.com/track/4e4I9J0x7lwQ14oZb5KwCE?si=76f50b78d3144fdf

A Powerful Thing:

https://open.spotify.com/track/7aTfOVzZkQqa5sgoo8FlxU?si=ce51cc74103847c6

Make it Real:

https://open.spotify.com/track/10iyhBplzrcUjKxMk70gHv?si=10218bb05de74960

The River:

https://open.spotify.com/track/6qWTOXNbyEiqFRdZ2tFz3P?si=9931a1fa1d7f43ba

Isolation:

https://open.spotify.com/track/2GU9acrwipTUjMkyZxdItq

And hey, you can also buy the full CDs these are on! Fine Tonight and a Powerful Thing are on my Peace CD, Make it Real and Isolation are on my Persephone’s Art CD, and The River is on my Rendezvous with the Moon CD. All available at https://verlene.com/recordings.html

Musician's High

If you are a musician, you’ve probably experienced “musician’s high” from time to time! Yes, we get it too – similar to the “runner’s high” defined as:

… a brief, deeply relaxing state of euphoria. Euphoria is a sense of extreme joy or delight. In this case, it occurs after intense or lengthy exercise. Often, people who experience a runner's high also report feeling less anxiety and pain immediately after their run.

I’ve been reading up on what causes the runner’s high to see why it is that we may experience the same euphoric state when having an extremely productive or intense rehearsal, or a stellar performance.

On this website, there is information about the release of endorphins which are known as the “feel-good” or “happy” chemicals. In addition, a molecule called anandamide is found in blood of some who have just come off a run. This molecule produces reduced anxiety, euphoria, and a feeling of calm. All for the price of a little effort -- no need to call your pharmacist or drug dealer…

Although playing music doesn’t work up a sweat like running does, I would guess that some of these chemicals are released when we are working hard on a passage, and finally get it under our fingers so that we can play it smoothly and up to speed. And when we can play a lightning speed, well, isn’t that like our fingers are running?

This can happen not only in personal rehearsal but also in rehearsing with others in a group, whether it be a formal setting like an orchestra, or string quartet, or a folk, jazz, or rock band. When everyone is gelling and the music is greater than the sum of its parts, who doesn’t experience that same kind of high!

And then extending further into performances when it’s not just the performers but now, also the audience experiencing and interacting with the music. Even though they might be sitting still, how is it that an exciting passage of music gets into their physiology and gets them to release those endorphins? It seems like magic to me.

And when an audience member comes up to the performer after a performance and is speechless, I know they’re feeling that same euphoric calm that I feel after performing. It plasters a grin on my face that is hard to remove. Smile and nod, smile and nod…

And this isn’t just for those exciting, technically difficult, and high energy performances, but also for those deep and tender performances that reach into a person’s psyche and reminds them of something or connects them with the world around them.

No, I’m not a scientist and I didn’t find any studies that say there’s any such thing as a “musician’s high.” But it is part of the experience practicing, performing, and listening to music that makes my life truly blessed.

 

Musing about Muses

 

This week’s “musings” are about muses… My band Gaelic Muses that I’m in with two outstanding and wonderful female musicians, is embarking on a new approach to our presentation! A hint, there’s a “muse” involved… Come to our next performance to find out more! In fact, Gaelic Muses will be performing at Joe’s Corner this Sunday, September 25^th from 3 -6. Would love to see you there if you live in the SF bay area! Here’s a flyer with information: 

https://tinyurl.com/4ypu8338

 (or use this QR code)

 

Anyway, this talk about muses got me remembering about a poem I wrote that has been on my website for years. How could I forget about that! And, on the same page that has links to several of my poems, are links to my stories about an Irish Harper that I created and developed into somewhat of a series and I’m inspired! I want to write more of these stories – each can easily be a chapter, so there may be a book to publish in the future!

If you’d like to read any of these short stories – or better yet, watch the video me telling the first story in concert, and listen to a recording of my telling of two others – they can be found at: https://verlene.com/writing2.html

And if you’d like to read my poem, it’s also on the website that I listed above, but here it is for you to read without leaving this page!

My Muse

My muse is playful and

            mysterious.

She has a name, all right,

            but she’s not telling.

All I know for certain is that

            “My Muse” is enough

of a title for this poem. And I’m

            sure she’s a she.

 

She drops clues and hints

            and runs off giggling.

She wants me to make use

            of my brilliant mind

and intense intuition

            to figure out things.

She knows it all -- the Whole Truth --

            and often times

 

she whispers a seed and leaves

            it there to grow

into an idea, or an insight,

            even a brainstorm.

She is sometimes annoying.

            I try to close

my eyes and my mind

            but then she turns

 

motherly on me. I tell her:

            Leave me alone!

And usually she does but

            always she leaves

her scent behind -- one I swear

            I can’t ignore.

At times my muse is not

            there for me.

 

I call and I call, but she

            has no interest.

I fall stupid and uninspired.

            But she repents,

seeing my consuming need,

            and brings gifts

as always to make up for

            her negligence.

 

Verlene Schermer, 1984

Wishing you very happy musings until next week,

Verlene

PS, please leave a comment below -- I'd love to hear your thoughts and musings!

Boxes, Bags, and File Folders...Oh My!

My house is full of boxes – no, I’m not in the process of moving out or moving in, but the boxes are necessary to hold all the various bits and pieces in my world. I have a box that has all the strings for all my stringed instruments. Another box holds the capos, picks, rosin, and other paraphernalia needed for the instruments. A third box is where all my receipts from 2021 sit, ready to be taped up and stored for the obligatory 7 years. Oh, yes, and there’s a box for each of the books in my inventory of publications with a number of how many are left in the box written so I can keep track.

And in my file cabinets are folders for each of my workshop handouts, and one for each of my private students, plus my current gigs, current receipts, and oh so many other things.

Then there are the canvas bags: One has the music binder, cables, microphone, and pickup for my gigs at the assisted living facilities. Another has my Gaelic Muses binder and things I need for rehearsals. Another is for my duo, Silverwood, and another for playing harp at Stanford Hospital – each ready to grab and go, with a prayer that I grabbed the correct one!

So what do all these bags and boxes and file folders signify on a deeper level? I have been working on “creating a brand” which means: what is my music about, and how can I present it in a cohesive way to the world? I have the typical branding items in place: photo, colors, font, logo. But there are so many aspects of me that everywhere I turn, there is another box “oh, don’t forget about that” or another bag “whoops, that’s also important” or another folder… So, who am I really? And how do I include all the important details in a one-page with a single photo, a few video links and one (and only one) song that will say who I am? 

With help from Bree Noble’s program, I’ve realized that it isn’t all the details and various things I do that define me. It’s deeper than that. It’s down to the core beliefs and values, and how that is expressed in so many ways in my songwriting, my teaching, my bedside harp music.

So, with some introspection, here I am (feel free to sing along with the video below):

I love wishing you well, when I see you excel, I can feel my heart swell.
I love cheering you on, ‘til the night turns to dawn, and all fear is gone.
Sometimes I feel my wishing could heal the heart that is breaking.
I like to pretend my wishing could mend the world in its aching.
I love wishing you well, wishing you well.
I love wishing you well, wishing you well.

I love seeing you through, believing in you, that your dreams will come true.
I love hoping the best, for wild success, and no, nothing less!
Sometimes I feel my wishing could heal the heart that is breaking.
I like to pretend my wishing could mend the world in its aching.
I love wishing you well, wishing you well.
I love wishing you well, wishing you well.

And if all my wish can do, is bring a smile to you,
That smile could ease the hurt in your heart and my heart too!
Sometimes I feel my wishing could heal the heart that is breaking.
I like to pretend my wishing could mend the world in its aching.
I love wishing you well, wishing you well.
I love wishing you well, wishing you well.

Goals. Missed deadlines. Disappointment. Downward spiral.

As a self-employed musician, I have always had to be goal oriented in order to accomplish anything. But I have also learned (mostly) that when a goal is not reached by the intended deadline, it doesn’t indicate failure. It means your deadline was unrealistic, or life got in the way, and you find the world did not end… And often when looking at why the goal was not reached, there were many other accomplishments that you may have to your credit.  Okay, these are personal goals and deadlines, so not the same as when you work for a company and there are hard deadlines that could mean your job if missed.

But what I realized was that I am still under the presumption that I have failed if I miss an arbitrary deadline I’ve set rather than say “let’s just move that date to next week…”  Case in point: this blog was supposed to be weekly on Friday, but the last two Friday’s were missed entirely, and several previous Friday blogs were written and posted on Saturday… So, I sit here this morning reviewing the past few weeks’ accomplishments, and gradually spiraling back up to a more realistic point of view.

I’ve been in a course learning about Social Media, (click on “LinkTree” at the right to see my social media links) and have posted:

A reel and a post on Instagram

A post on Twitter

A post on Linked In

And my usual posts in Facebook

And my time has been filled with:

Rehearsing with Gaelic Muses for our performances (on August 28^th at Lilly Mac’s and the one coming up on Sunday at the Pleasanton Scottish Games).

Laying out and editing a Song & Tune Book for Gaelic Muses that we can sell to fans.

Preparing and teaching a workshop for Harpers Hall.

Leading a rehearsal for the Harpers Hall Ensemble for our performances tomorrow at the Pleasanton Scottish Games.

Preparing and teaching my 2-hour online workshops each Saturday in August.

Learning to use Convert Kit (an email list program) to create product links so people can sign up for my workshops using a credit card online.

Updating my website so that there is a music player integrated on my CD pages.

Editing and formatting for publication a new harp arrangement by Kim Robinson.

Preparing my workshop handouts for the Songwriting course I'll be teaching in September. (Interested? Go to https://tinyurl.com/VerleneSongwriting for information on how to register!)

Hmm… I guess I did a lot after all.