Give Care – Take Care

I have been playing bedside music for patients at Stanford Hospital since 2003, and I thought I’d share a bit about what this means and why I do it.

As you can probably guess, I have played for hundreds of patients over 20 years, and there have been a mix of experiences – both for myself and for the patients I played for. Sadness when playing for an end-of-life, joy when playing for a transplant patient ready to move on to rehab, deep gratitude when playing for patients who were able to sleep for the first time in days.

It wasn’t about playing music that would make them well; it was about playing music that would provide comfort and rest or would (as some patients have said) transport them to a better place. There is evidence that therapeutic music lowers blood pressure and has other positive physical effects, but what the patients would say is that it made them feel better. Feeling better isn’t always about the prognosis – but about a patient’s ability to make peace with where they are.

I began to notice that the patients who always had someone dear to them in the room when I came to play had the “best” experience – even those who were terminal. And no, these special caregivers were not making the patient recover, but their presence helped the patient to bear what they were going through.

Many of these caregivers were family members or close friends. After weeks of visiting the same patient and seeing the same person sitting at the bedside, and noticing the toll it was taking on them, I realized that those who give care needed also to take care of themselves.

I wanted to sing a song to honor those caregivers and didn’t know of one that said what I wanted to say, so, I wrote one. This song is from the perspective of the patient.

You can hear it on Spotify (or look it up on Apple Music or Pandora):

https://open.spotify.com/track/1pr47T7vN0bc3v8pWGYYcd?si=8f387ed72af940fd

I made a video of the song using some patient photos (they gave permission to include them) as well as photos from when my mother was in her last days.

https://youtu.be/yrseVpJ-G-I?si=QHBdw3ChcoxLPOLd

Here are the lyrics – feel free to sing along!

Because You Choose To

© 2013 Verlene Schermer

I never chose to be here lying in this bed
There are many places I’d like to be instead
They tell me I am brave, but I know it’s really you
Cause you don’t have to be here but you choose to
 
I have the easy part, I sleep most of the time
You sit beside me now, watching numbers drop and climb
They tell me I am strong, but I know it’s really you
Cause you don’t have to be here but you choose to 
 
Just come and hold my hand, listen while I cry
Though I’m not the greatest company, I hope you realize
I know the price you’re paying by staying by my side
And I hope you know that I know what you do, when
You don’t have to be here but you choose to
 
They give me medication to reduce my sense of pain
While you are feeling powerless to make it go away
My friends all wish me well, they should wish the same for you
Cause you don’t have to be here but you choose to
 
Just come and hold my hand, listen while I cry
Though I’m not the greatest company, I hope you realize
I know the price you’re paying by staying by my side
And I hope you know I’m grateful that you do, and
You don’t have to be here but you choose to
 
Now those long, sleepless nights are telling on you
Don’t forget as you care for me, take care of yourself too
 
Just come and hold my hand, listen while I cry
Though I’m not the greatest company, I hope you realize
I know the price you’re paying by staying by my side
And I hope you know I love you, and I know you love me too, cause
You don’t have to be here but you choose to
No you don’t have to be here but you choose to

 

Here is a photo of my Mom when she was sent home from the hospital to hospice care. I’m playing the harp, and that’s my younger brother, John, at her side.